Rupert and the News of the Wood

Rupert and the News of the Wood


It's Rupert's birthday! Up he leaps
And down the cottage stairs he sweeps.

There, waiting for him, Mother Bear
And Father too, sat in his chair.

"A happy bithday to our son",
The parents sing in unison.

"And here's a little birthday gift",
said Pa, who from the floor did lift

A heavy box, wrapped up in bows.
The little bear's excitement grows.

"Why, thank you, thank you", Rupert cries,
As all the wrappings he unties.

He lifts the lid, and Rupert sees
A strange machine with lots of keys.

"My dad's typewriter", Pa explains,
"Is what this wooden box contains."

Said Mother Bear, "Some paper, too!"
Said Rupert, "I know what I'll do..."

* * *

He grabs a notebook, then he runs
Towards the woods to see his chums.

First Algy Pug, who tells his friend
of his adventures last weekend.

Next, Badger Bill related how
He'd startled Farmer Giles's cow.

Then, Edward Trunk, who told him tales
of how he almost broke the scales

When at the doctor's. How they laughed!
...But Rupert's mind was set on craft.

He diligently made his notes,
all illustrated with their quotes,

Then home he rushed to his device,
to type it up in words concise.

Those friends he missed, he did not care.
He made things up, that fiendish bear.

And when his sheet was fully filled,
He sat and read it, and was thrilled.

He ran off copies, stuffed a sack,
Then fetched his purse and hurried back

Into the village, where he sold
"News of the Wood" to young and old.

It made them laugh. It made them screech.
He charged the folks one penny each.

He took the papers door to door,
And when they'd sold, he copied more.

At last, when Rupert's work was done,
He closed his purse and home did run.

* * *

The Nutwood bobby, PC Bent,
accosted Rupert as he went.

"How now, young bear! Why run so fast?"
The copper asked as Rupert passed.

"Good evening, sir", the bear replied,
"Must get my pennies safe inside."

"So how was all this money earned?"
Asked PC Bent, who seemed concerned.

"My newspaper. Here, take a look",
Said Rupert. PC Bent then took

A copy, and began to read
the lurid stories. "Well, indeed",

Said Bent, "Perhaps you'd like some more
For next week's issue? I am sure

A modest charge will see you fine.
I'll scratch your back and you scratch mine."

The policeman gave a knowing wink.
"I'm not so sure, I'll need to think",

Said Rupert Bear, who turned, but spied
Three shady figures at his side.

Rebekah Witch was dressed in black,
With long red hair draped down her back.

Then, to her right stood Andy Ape,
And next to him, the well-known shape

Of private eye, old Glen the Rat,
In mackintosh and trilby hat.

"Leave it to us", the trio said,
"We'll keep your new newspaper fed"

"With scandals, lies and gossip. We've
Got some you frankly won't believe!"

* * *

The Nutwood mayor, Chameleon Dave -
Political career to save -

Then sidled up to Rupert's team,
And asked of them, with face abeam,

"If you support my poll campaign,
I'll make sure no-one will restrain

Your bid to take on Nutwood's telly.
It won't be blocked, not on your nellie!"

"Then it's a deal", Rebekah cried,
"We need a man on the inside."

"Andy Ape will work with you."
And, duly, Andy joined Dave's crew.

* * *

Well, all got better by the hour.
Dave, he swept back into power.

Rupert enjoyed much success,
So left the witch to run the press.

Yet things did not go quite to plan.
Their evil schemes went down the pan.

The tragic tale of Millie Mouse,
Who'd failed to make it to her house

One evening, caused a Nutwood stir.
The villagers searched far for her.

Yet while her parents pined and grieved,
Old Glen the Rat somehow retrieved

Some personal details from her phone,
Which raised their hopes that she'd come home.

But sadly, Millie lost her life,
And that was not the only strife

The rat did prey on with his ploys.
The families of some soldier boys

Who perished in a foreign war -
And that's not all, for there were more -

Some other folks, who died on trains.
Their secrets, too, the rat obtains

To satisfy the paper's lust
For printing stories that disgust.

* * *

But Glen was caught. The evil sleuth
Confessed to all the ugly truth.

And as indignant people fumed,
Attempts to cover up were doomed.

Connections to the evil knot
Have left Dave's reputation shot.

"Send for the law", the people hollered.
The Rat and Ape were duly collared.

The witch, she side-stepped people's yells
By casting some disownment spells

Of innocence, yet nonetheless
She wound up Rupert's gutter press.

She called the workers. Through their sobs
She told them they had lost their jobs.

Today, the final issue rolls,
Yet no-one really it consoles.

* * *